Happy Endings Now Legal In China

By Michael June 28, 2013 @ 12:01 PM

The Chinese government has decided that happy endings at massage parlors aren’t prostitution and are therefor legal. I was surprised it was against the law as the happy ending is one of China’s most beloved cultural exports. The court said that jerking someone off is not sex, it’s just another muscle that needs a healthy rubdown. They also said “breast massages” were OK. That’s not a woman having her boobs fondled but rather a chick using her boobs to give the man “release”. This is pretty progressive for the fucked-up draconian Chinese communist system that pretty much outlawed fun in 1945. Obviously, like a lot of things, this is just another concession to the almighty altar of capitalism.

The Chinese government wants to keep being commies but drive brand new BMWs, so they’ve made a few compromises. China decided about 20 years ago that they were going to open up more to foreign trade and tourism. The Great Wall and the country’s rich ┬áhistory may be enough for some travelers, but sex tourism is a major draw. They have only to look at all the sticky Western dollars their neighbors like Thailand and Vietnam are raking in. Still, I’m not sure guys like Gary Glitter are paying $5000 for trips to Asia to get a handjob from grown women. If the Chinese government wants to really make tourism boom they should consider allowing the Lucky Chicken Surprise #37 back on the menu at their local massage parlor establishments.

(5) Comments

  1. avatar
    Shortshanks 06/28/2013 12:09

    I thought Gary Glitter was getting handjobs from elementary school kids…?

  2. avatar
    Admiral 06/28/2013 13:19

    I’m guessing this is a move by the government to address the population problem – where men outnumber women in China by a large margin.
    I wonder if hanjobs-4-all can lower crime.

  3. avatar
    Beylerbey 06/28/2013 16:53

    I think they’re just trying to compete with Thailand, finally.

  4. avatar
    Dave Star 06/28/2013 22:07

    I came to say the same thing as Admiral. Have you been watching Vice as well?

  5. avatar
    whtevr86 06/29/2013 15:50

    So it’s ok for men to exploit woman and pay to have them help get their rocks off, but it’s not ok to let legally married gay couples adopt orphaned children from China and give them a loving, well rounded and probably well decorated home. I thought Asians were supposed to be smart but I guess that’s just stereotyping.

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