I Want a God Dammed Donut (VIDEO)

National Donut Day is supposed to be a happy day. But not here in Los Angeles. Good luck finding a fucking donut shop within $10 worth of gas distance. You want an organic acai compote shake? I’ve got eleven stops between here and the toilet to get you in the mood for evacuating your bowels, but a good colon clogging donut? Can not find. Dunkin Donuts says they’re coming here in 2015. They’ll be burned out of their spots by anemic almond butter eaters. I’ve come to learn that liberal means I do what I want and I also get to tell you what’s good for you. When did that happen? No politics, but on National Donut Day without a fucking cruller, I’m feeling pretty revolutionary. I wish I had Kate Upton’s bra to burn.