Justin Bieber Being Sued For Being a Street-Fighting Bad-Ass

In the unlikeliest court case ever (this week), a paparazzi with the muy Hispanic name Jose Osmin Hernandez Duran is suing Justin Bieber for MMA-style kicking him in the ribs. A few months ago Duran was taking pictures of Biebs and his ex-beard Selena Gomez when Justin reportedly, “delivered a martial arts-type kick…in the lower rib cage on the left side of his abdomen.” Bieber then allegedly punched him in the face and shoved him on to the car. While Bieber is a giant asshole prone to little hissy fits, the idea of him doing MMA anything to anyone would have me laughing out loud if I was empaneled on the jury.

If Bieber had slapped him like a little girl or got a bodyguard to do his dirty work for him, that I would believe. Bieber isn’t going to do his own fighting and he’s sure as shit not actually going to cause any harm. Maybe he could take a kitten in a fight, if the kitten was sleepy and curled up next to a ball of yarn. Aww. If Duran wanted to sue Bieber he really should have thought of a more realistic situation. Maybe if he had said that Bieber smashed his camera and cried like a little bitch he’d have a solid chance of winning some free cash. You have to prove your case beyond any reasonable doubt. I got some serious reasonable fucking doubts about Biebers mad fighting skills.