It’s hard to say who to root for in a showdown between teen lesbian Justin Bieber and the paparazzi that hound him everywhere he goes. It’s like you’re a North Korean train driver running off the tracks and you have to choose to run over either Dennis Rodman or The Supreme Leader during their summer picnic. Which way do you turn? Bieber and his Lollipop Guild cohort Lil Twist drove away and over some dickhead photographers foot leaving the Laugh Factory in Hollywood on Monday night. The photographer insisted on going to the hospital so he could build a better lawsuit. And while people were talking about possible hit and run charges, Bieber was cleared today by the police. As he should have been. As much as I’d love to see his little punk ass get thrown in the slammer, it needs to be for something worthy that he can tearfully regret as he gets ass-raped in the prison shower by a guy named Franc with a ‘C’. When you put contemptible people in jail for lesser charges, you never get the satisfaction deserved. Like putting O.J. in for kind of sort of robbing his own sports memorabilia. Or Al Capone on tax evasion. It’s a half-victory at best. Let’s wait for the big one. It sucks that somebody will have to get badly hurt for it, but on the bright side, maybe it’ll be Justin himself.
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