Mayim Bialik Wants You To Stop Talking About Her Suckling

Mayim is standing by her plans to breastfeed her kids until they’re married. She insists upon a communal family bed. And if you think having a kindergartener perma-sucking on her teat and another tucked in between her and her now divorced former husband killed any passion they had in the bedroom, you’re wrong about that too. So say Mayim Bialik. Who has learned to be less publicly assertive about her attachment parenting beliefs. Partly to be less pushy and partly so less people will know how fucking weird she is. Yes, I say this with the bias of a man who was denied the teat. The one time I asked to sleep in my parents bed, my father beat me with a pillow case full of rolled up socks. And, yes, now I try to find solace in the bed of any woman who will have me. But that still seems like a better option to having Mayim’s leathery udder pushed into my maw every time I looked troubled.