Justin Bieber Not Going to Jail Again for Hit and Run

By Lex July 31, 2013 @ 5:20 PM

I can’t keep track of all the petty investigations going on against gender neutral show pony Justin Bieber. None of them really amount to much as the douchebag limits himself to pretending to be restrained by his bodyguards and spitting. Sometimes he will throw a shoe or menstruate with intent to harm, but for the most part I think he’s self-aware that he’s 5-5 and 120 pounds and physical altercations won’t be his best play. Still, that paparazzo said Justin Bieber ran over his foot last month and even though the police never filed charges, the D.A. was investigating for possible actions. They investigated and learned that Justin is a total a dick and the paparazzo is an opportunist and neither of that is particularly illegal so the case was dropped today. Someday Justin will get busted for some real crime and sentenced to be buried in a not so deep hole in the desert while swaggerific buzzards peck at his little girl cheeks. Until such time, this other shit is just noise.

wwtdd

(2) Comments

  1. avatar
    Beylerbey 07/31/2013 19:09

    “When I am king, you will be first against the wall…”

  2. avatar
    miche the killer 07/31/2013 19:32

    “gender neutral show pony Justin Bieber”- I’m glad the thesaurus of swishy little fairy princess jokes has opened back up.

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