America’s new favorite pageant, Brooklyn’s smallest penis contest, was held this weekend and a new champ was crowned. The contest was held at the Kings Country Bar in the hipster infested Bushwick neighborhood. I was going to go until I realized there was no reason to go. There were 6 contestants all wearing baby socks decorated like tuxedos on their tiny tiny dongs. Drinks were drunk, measurements were taken, more drinks, dances were danced, even more drinks, before the crowd voted on the “winner”. Nick Gilronan, a UPS worker with a very small package, won the $200 cash prize and bragging rights to having the smallest dick in at least one borough if not all of New York City. Most men are insecure to some degree about the size of the penises. But when your dick is declared the smallest by public vote, it is amazing you don’t deepthroat a shotgun. This guy clearly has a sense of humor about how much God hates him.
(Photos by Marc Yearsley)