Usher almost lost his kid a couple days ago drowning in the home pool as his arm got stuck in the drain. You know, like how you lost half your buddies as a kid. Fucking pool drains. Usher’s ex-wife and baby mama, Tameka Foster, snapped into maternal action and filed a custody hearing to get their two kids back into her nest. The same nest where her own eleven-year old son by a previous father was killed last year at a lake resort by a jet ski running over him in a raft. These two are either cursed with horrible misfortune, or they’re horrible caretakers for their kids. Without any formal or informal training, I’m ready to step in and grab the remaining Usher and Usher baby mama kids and take them somewhere safe. I may not know shit about being a parent, but I’ve never lost a kid before in the water. In fact, I’m Red Cross certified. If Neptune’s minions are coming for these kids because of some deal Usher made to be famous and make people believe he’s straight, I may be their best protection. Hold on Usher kids, your new daddy’s coming.