Fat Girl Gearing Up for Big Fat Lawsuit

In terms of ranking who not to fuck with, I'd go with bipolar UFC ground gamer, ruthless Mexican drug lord, and fat girls with litigious moms in a close third. There's a big Internet hue and cry over how one chunky teen was mistreated at a mall store in Oregon, and the entire story seems fishy.

On Saturday, Shelby Buster, 14, was walking through the Valley River Center Mall in Eugene with her mother, Marjory Buster, and a friend named Jennica. Excited to shop without her mom for the first time ever, she and Jennica entered the women's clothing store rue21, where she encountered a rude surprise.

"I walked in and the lady at the front counter said 'hey you're too big to be in this store, I need you to leave,'" Shelby told Oregon local news station KEZI on Sunday.

Here's a few things I don't believe. That there's a real life fat girl named Shelby Buster. That anybody names their kid Jennica. And that even the bitchiest dimwit of a sales girl would run over to an innocent fat girl minding her own business and tell her she's too fat too shop in her store. I guess I do believe that part about how Shelby was excited to shop without her mom for the first time ever because I just assume young girls think inane stuff like that.

After supposedly being brazenly humiliated about her size, Shelby did what any fat girl would do, she went on social media and bitched about the rotten bitchy sales girl. Then her mom got into the outraged act on Facebook and got Shelby on a local TV channel to spin her harrowing tale. Then nobody decided that maybe Shelby should eat a salad every now and then or maybe hit the public pool for a few laps.

What is definitely coming is some kind of financial settlement from the crappy mall store to the fat girl's mother. The big winner will likely be the local Arby's restaurant outlets, or Oversized Swans, the ballet school for large girls with even larger dreams that I just invented.

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