What are you going to do when the Federal government shuts down? Melt? Shit your neighbor’s pants? Dig that splinter out of your toe you got three summers ago? For those of you too young to remember the government shutdown of ’96, it was hell on earth. They closed the Smithsonian Air & Space museum. Many people in many departments who do many things were forced to take a holiday causing lines at nearby water parks to be excessive. The sky turned black in the evenings. Goats started eating trash and my friend Allen who will have sex with any woman at any time was too young for real facial hair so he couldn’t lie about being a mercenary. It was horrible. You can hide in the cellar, but the government shut down will find you. This is the Mayan Apocalypse meets Y2K meets Radon gas. Kiss your loved ones goodbye and remind your Jewish friends they can’t go to heaven. The end is nigh.
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