Kelly Osbourne Hires Fat Naked Scary Painted Woman To Make Her Look Pretty

The day you stop fighting the tide and start to go with the flow is the day you’re officially grown up. Kelly Osbourne has been hanging out with hot actresses and models her entire young adult life trying to fit in and all it’s got her are substance abuse, mysterious seizures, and whatever the fuck happened to her hair. Now Kelly’s got a smarter plan. Instead of being pictured alongside sexy fashion models that make you want to hand Kelly an old mop and tell her to clean out the dungeons, the Osbourne daughter has retained a fat naked scary painted woman to stand next to her in photographs. No more, ‘wow, what the fuck happened to Kelly Osbourne’ comments, now it’s only, ‘boy, I’d sure rather bump uglies with Kelly Osbourne than that scary heinous naked tub of good standing next to her.’ This is the right move for Kelly.

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