I can never remember if all these islands to the south of us actually belong to the U.S. or we just pretend they do and let their hot women compete in our beauty pageants in exchange for letting our old money people shelter their piles of gold from taxes in their banks. I know Puerto Rico always has votes on becoming a U.S. state and people get all pissy about it anyhow as if Vermont or Kentucky are so fucking primo that can’t possibly add another name to the list of fifty. I’m not sure I’ve ever met an ugly girl from the U.S. Virgin Islands, though I once made out with a girl who had no upper teeth from Kentucky. We should re-vote on that state.
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