There Really Are Muthafucking Snakes On Muthafucking Planes

A word of advice: avoid Quantas airlines. Not only are the pilots tipping back some Fosters but there are possibly snakes on the plane. Yes, just like the classic Sam Jackson film. A flight leaving Sydney was grounded for several hours when a rat snake was found slithering around the cabin. Officials don’t know where the fuck it came from, which is maybe the scariest part. At least the species is harmless. Earlier this year a 9 foot fucking python was found wandering around a Quantas cabin. I remember watching the Crocodile Hunter, (respect), and him telling us that Australia has some of the most poisonous snakes in the world. I was considering a Quantas flight to India later this year but I prefer not to have the life squeezed out of me or to be bitten in the fucking neck for my trouble. Then again, I’d choose that over seventeen hours in flight with a dominant airplane culture that doesn’t believe in deodorant. I’m looking at you, Air France.