It took her until sixteen, or seven years after being put on the pill, but Kylie Jenner finally has her own black celebrity boyfriend. Huzzah! In longstanding family tradition, Kylie will be soaked in a tub of secretions from the reproductive organs of woodland animals and then adorned head to toe in Kardashian Kock Beads. Each of her older half sisters will take turns punching her in the uterus to guarantee she’s fallow from any previous experimentation. Then Khloe will eat an entire Smithfield Country Ham without utensils and Kris will tell the funny story of the homeless man they ran over during Christmas ’07 and nobody even investigated.
Photo Credit: Getty