Boo Hoo, My Hot English Teacher Had Sex With Me

I don’t know if it’s all the hormones in their McDonalds or just the pervasive cultural diminishment of the penis but boys have become big old pussies. When I was a teen and you won the sex lottery with your emotionally disturbed but good looking English teacher, you pulled down your pants and you did as you were told and you were happy. You didn’t run to the adults to rat out the 34-year old hottie who invited you to the park for quickies. You even resisted bragging to your friends because you were worried the good thing might go away.

The teen contacted police on Monday. He was able to accurately describe the tattoos on [Brianne] Altice’s body — The Desert News

If you can accurately describe the tramp stamp on the shorn pubic area of your horny high school English teacher, you have been given some level of Karmic gift that ten previous crappy lifetimes must’ve paid for. Way to throw it all away to ‘do the right thing’. Now she’s going to be locked up. God forbid she should fulfill the sexual fantasies of other sixteen year old boys who aren’t total pussies. Yes, I know. Please send me letters about how sexual assault is sexual assault no matter the circumstance so I can send you responses about how you don’t know shit about sixteen year old boys.