Chris Brown Ordered to Rehab for Being Thrown Out of Rehab

I remember voting in favor of ballot initiatives in California that send non-violent drug arrests to rehab instead of prison. I guess I didn’t read the fine print that said violent celebrity offenders also included. Chris Brown got kicked out of rehab for throwing a rock through the window of his mom’s car because she thought he should stay in rehab. He was in rehab for punching a dude in the face in D.C. Those seem like violent acts, but I guess it was technically gravity that caused the rock to smash through his mom’s window and in D.C., Chris was just helping his nation sign up less than willing younger people for ObamaCare. Celebrity jurisprudence decided to send Chris back to rehab as penalty for being booted out of rehab. On top of that, the ever popular community service. Except that Chris has only completed 20 hours of his 1000 hours of community service still on the books from his super non-violent hit and run earlier this year. It turns out, community service makes Chris Brown depressed. Which makes him a little less tough than Lindsay Lohan who did her 480 hours in the County Coroner’s office, drinking Stoly and toe-tagging bodies without so much as a whimper.