David Arquette Knocked Up His Girlfriend

I miss the good old days when knocked up Hollywood girls went for back alley abortions. We don’t even have back alleys anymore really, they’re all posh nightclub entrances now. There’s no excitement left in shaming unwed couples banging babies into each other. No hush hush gossip about who’s the slut who had to go off to ‘Santa Barbara’ for the weekend and came back with a nose job and an empty uterus. Now everyone just cheers. God forbid I post a bare fucking nipple on this site and advertisers go apeshit over propriety, but those same companies have no trouble headline sponsoring magazine features heralding the birth of bastard babies from drug-addled celebrities. Shit, I sound like my father.

David Arquette celebrated the joyous news of knocking up Joe Francis’ ex by getting wasted and calling Howard Stern.

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