Jose Canseco Pulled Over With Fainting Goats In His Car

In case you’re unaware, Jose Canseco, the godfather of steroids in baseball and oft-questioned suspect regarding sexual assaults in his neighborhood, maintains a small private zoo in his backyard. He claims the various caged animals are for personal amusement for family and visitors, but anybody peeking over the fence at 2am will see Jose in a Speedo and a lab smock perform all kinds of hideous Dr. Moreau like experiments on his imprisoned beasts. As soon as he figures out how to rob turtle of its defensive powers, deer of its speed, and gator of its predatory instincts, he will be able to transform himself into one super fucking Atlantic Rim rapist. What Jose Canseco intends to do with a pair of fainting goats is anybody’s guess. Those being those miniature goats that freeze and fall to the ground when you scare the shit out of them. Jose and his girlfriend were pulled over by the police with a couple of them in diapers in the back of his car. I assume the highway patrol standardly asked Jose for his driver’s license, insurance, and to inspect the goats’ diapers for traces of semen.