Beyonce Causes Collective Hollywood Orgasm

By Lex December 13, 2013 @ 2:03 PM

Beyonce Arrives At The Vigil For Trayvon Martin Held In New York

Beyonce might be a painfully self-involved diva with a daughter who’s still stowed in an animal crate four airports ago, but she’s also a fucking genius. Not Beyonce per se, not so good with the letters and numbers, but her business people, pretty brilliant. Dropping a full album onto iTunes last night without any pre-promotion or notice is just a billion dollars worth of savvy. Somehow, within sixty seconds of release, every young pop culture excitable girl in Hollywood, from Demi Lovato to Perez Hilton were creaming their boy shorts over Beyonce’s coup. I guess they all keep hitting refresh around midnight on iTunes on the off chance new music pops up.

That seems like a real enough Tweet from a teenaged girl. It’s certainly true that with more than a dozen new songs by the exact same guys who write and produce all the others songs for every other pop artist, we’re looking at a seismic shift in music. Sort of like Chloe Grace Moretz just reinvented the horror genre with Carrie.

Photo Credit: Beyonce

(6) Comments

  1. avatar
    TitsAreNice 12/13/2013 15:22

    That’s too bad. I always wanted to ram my cock into that ChloĆ« chick’s ass, but she has pathetic taste in music so she’ll have to do without.

  2. avatar
    Admiral 12/13/2013 16:05

    Re-invented music? Look, I know what it’s like being a teenager – to be full of optimism about the future and cool-but-naive ideas all day and close to zero understanding about how the world works. I get it – I was a Liberal once; I know what it means to be stupid.

    I can only hope that Cloe Grace Moretz has one of those industry-issued PR fools writing her Tweets.

  3. avatar
    Admiral 12/13/2013 16:10


    If the damn H is silent then why the hell is it even there?

  4. avatar
    TitsAreNice 12/13/2013 16:28

    Ask any chemist, or chiropractor, or Chinaman…no, wait…never mind.

  5. avatar
    deliminator 12/13/2013 17:40

    Admiral, were you as crazy over-the-top with your beliefs as a liberal as you are as a conservative?

  6. avatar
    Al Bundy 12/13/2013 17:48

    All she did was release the recorded songs that were left over from her last album that weren’t good enough to make it on it.

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