Charity Worker Found Not Guilty of Glassing Tara Reid

For some reason, a jury in London took the word of a sobbing charity worker over that of Tara Reid in a case involving a nightclub fight where Tara told the court that this other woman went ‘psycho like Naomi Campbell’ on her after the two exchanged insults. While everyone appreciated Tara’s appropriate use of simile, nobody could possibly believe that Tara was the less drunk of the two combatants. Tara had the woman arrested claiming she smashed a cocktail glass across her face in the nightclub, causing Tara to have a corneal abrasion, a claim Tara herself undermined when she pointed to her crotch to show where her cornea got scratched. All in all,the Brits agreed that justice had been served and that it was high time to send more drunken British twats to America as payback.