Happy Birthday to Baby Jesus and Larry Csonka

By Lex December 25, 2013 @ 10:47 AM

Jesus was born on this day back in 0. Jesus was a carpenter by trade. He may have been black, he may have been white, he was definitely Jewish and like many men of the Hebraic faith, he never got laid. Ask any guy at a Northeastern liberal arts college who isn’t old money or in the marching band how that feels. Today, most people celebrate Jesus’ birth by crushing the elderly at Walmart or making out with somebody heavyset at their office holiday party. Not the Christmas party, the holiday party. In Los Angeles, it’s not uncommon for lesbian moms to allow their adopted Malawi babies to place the first ornament on the tree, to symbolize how their bio families back in Malawi haven’t eaten solid food since September. Paris Hilton got a portrait of herself for Christmas. She’s telling everybody it’s a picture of what her identical twin sister would have looked like today if she had had an identical twin sister. It makes Paris chuckle even when she’s relatively sober so everybody has decided to let her keep saying it. Larry Csonka was born on this day in 1948. Larry Csonka almost had to retire from pro football after his first two seasons with multiple concussions and lousy performance. When Don Shula became his coach, he taught him to stop running head first into tackles and to lead with his forearm. Csonka went on to five Pro Bowl appearances and a Super Bowl MVP. Maybe Jesus sent Shula. This is Christmas.

(11) Comments

  1. avatar
    kvon 12/25/2013 11:51

    When did WWTD become weird Conservative political satire? Is this supposed to be poignant?

  2. avatar
    BillyMitchellisaGoldenGod 12/25/2013 13:00

    when they got a brain. speaking of which love the comment about the malawiwejkdfj babies of hollywood.

  3. avatar
    kvon 12/25/2013 14:38

    Great audience you’re cultivating! Dem hollyweird libs and der babies from dem black countries er mighty funny. You got dem brains!

  4. avatar
    Beylerbey 12/25/2013 21:06

    “Jesus was born on this day back in 0″

    Jesus probably wasn’t ever born, actually.

  5. avatar
    Al Bundy 12/25/2013 22:34

    Another awful posting.

  6. avatar
    Hugh G. Rection 12/26/2013 01:22

    Making fun of dopey liberal Hollywood celebrities is what this site has always been about. Liberals are idiots, but Hollywood liberals are grade-a, gold plated, super retarded mental midget idiots, so it’s extra satisfying to make fun of them.

  7. avatar
    kvon 12/26/2013 01:52

    No, this site is based on near nude pictures of d-list celebs. Not commentary.

  8. avatar
    ThisSiteIsGayPornography 12/26/2013 03:02

    Kvon, guess you started looking at this site after it changed management. Go read Perez Hilton if you want likeminded comments to yours. Let me guess, you think Lady gaga is awesome and you find the Daily Show “poignant”.

  9. avatar
    ThisSiteIsGayPornography 12/26/2013 03:06

    Dont worry, there will be a picture of the NSYNC reunion shirtless in a pool eventually.

  10. avatar
    kvon 12/26/2013 10:52

    I’ve been reading since 2006. I wouldn’t call what Brenden was writing political satire, I would call it long captions with a punch line. That’s why they were generally 50 words or so, not bullshit essays like this.

  11. avatar
    greensmartie 12/26/2013 11:26

    Great posting. Great writing. Really enjoyed it. Happy Holydays!!!

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