Katy Perry Likes Her Some Hummus

By Jack December 24, 2013 @ 3:51 PM

Katy Perry’s contract riders for hotel amenities are as demanding as you’d imagine. A rider is basically the blank sheet at the back end of performance contract in which the talent can demand special requests on top of the cash and basics. This is where you can insist upon a pair of granny panties filled with green M&Ms or anus bleaching toilet paper. Katy Perry has a long list of riders and these are just for the spread in her hotel suite:

SmartWater, plain Fage Greek yogurt, organic toasted almond granola, bananas, apples, tangerines, director’s chair, a full-length mirror, fresh crudites to include at least 3 of the following types of vegetables: cucumbers, peppers, carrots, snap peas, jicama, broccoli, cauliflower, sliced deli platter – turkey and Swiss cheese, dried mango slices, flaxseed tortilla chips, Stacy’s Parmesan, garlic & herb pita chips, plain hummus, garlic hummus, bowl of ranch dressing, Mad Mexican salsa verde, fresh guacamole, green and chamomile teas, Sencha Shot green tea (in a can), electric kettle, and a wardrobe steamer.

How many fucking snacks do you need? Especially since we all know you don’t fucking eat because your parents forgot to ask Jesus for thin hips for you. What the hell are you doing with an entire bowl of ranch dressing? Do you dip John Mayer’s cock in it so it doesn’t taste like Jessica Simpson? Why can’t you just enjoy your luxury suite and the several hundred thousand you get each night to lip-synch songs somebody else wrote for you. You’re a good looking monkey with tits. That would explain the hotel feed bag list.

wwtdd

(4) Comments

  1. avatar
    Hugh G. Rection 12/24/2013 16:16

    I remember some interviewer asking David Lee Roth about their famous rider which included a bowl full of green M&Ms. He said they didn’t give a shit about M&Ms, they just put that in there to make sure the venue actually read the contract. If they didn’t have the M&Ms, then they new it was likely they missed something else that might have been actually important.

  2. avatar
    IOvUF 12/24/2013 16:53

    TWO KINDS OF HUMMUS? She’s a monster.

  3. avatar
    DrainBammage 12/24/2013 18:18

    >. You’re a good looking monkey with tits

    G-o-o-d looking?

    Sure, I guess if you like the Boy George nose, the Boy George chin, the Boy George adam’s apple and the Boy George penis, then ya, she’s as close as this generation has to a Boy George, … this side of trannies.

    Those pecker tucking dudes always do a mean Boy George, Tamy Fay Bakker or Katy Perry.

  4. avatar
    littlewing 12/24/2013 21:55

    holy shit this was the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time

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