Everybody wants to know why the social outcasts from The Breakfast Club aren’t buying Lady Gaga’s new album. It’s so bad that when I searched Lady Gaga backdoor cucumber BDSM penetration, I got articles about how ARTPOP sucks and how Interscope is going to have to fire a large number of angry short people because they’re losing so much money on the album. Everybody in Gaga’s inner-circle has ditched her like rats fleeing a really unattractive Titanic. Did Gaga foretell her own future by posing crawling across the floor in a bikini while R. Kelly subjugates her beneath his prophylactic diaper? It would be a better story if Fame or Celebrity or German Measles killed Lady Gaga, you know, rather than just a really crappy album without radio play songs.