Maria Bello Is Gay Now Too

By Lex December 02, 2013 @ 4:28 AM

Eventually, Hollywood will calibrate to the approximately fifty-percent gay and lesbian high school drama class demo. Which means a shit ton more coming out stories are on their way. Celebrity coming out stories obligate a series of rousing ovations like when a returning war veteran surprises his wife and kids at a sporting event. Actress Maria Bello wanted to let her twelve-year old son know that while she still cared for his dad, she was in scissor-kissing love with close family friend ‘Clare’. But how to handle this emotional land mine with sensitivity and discretion? An article in the the New York Times Fashion & Style section seemed to fit that bill.

According to Maria’s deep lesbian type thinking, this whole big gay debate is really about parsing the definition of ‘partners’.

And I have never understood the distinction of “primary” partner. Does that imply we have secondary and tertiary partners, too? Can my primary partner be my sister or child or best friend, or does it have to be someone I am having sex with? I have two friends who are sisters who have lived together for 15 years and raised a daughter. Are they not partners because they don’t have sex? And many married couples I know haven’t had sex for years. Are they any less partners?

I’ve read that a few times now and I’m pretty sure it makes no sense. That part about the sisters just seemed creepy. But coming out stories are just like going to see foreign films. You’re not supposed to understand it, you just need to applaud at the end and look moved if you want to get laid by your date. Maria, I don’t care how many times your son gets his ass kicked in school, it’s completely worth it to imagine you going down on another chick without all the secrets. We all needed this.

(6) Comments

  1. avatar
    Maybe_Observer 12/02/2013 10:28

    Maria Bello is not gay….she’s just flat-chested….

    …that can ruin a lot of lives…

  2. avatar
    Admiral 12/02/2013 11:44

    I’m more and more convinced that being gay is just a choice that confused people make.

    Seriously, talk to any gay person about personal or sexual matters and you’ll soon find they’re deeply troubled and don’t know what they believe (as demonstrated by Maria Bello above).

    They’re gay because they’re troubled and confused, they’re not troubled and confused because they’re gay.

    They all believe in moral relativism, too.

    Moral relativism is just a philosophical term for the justification of ignorance. Such philosophy is just a fancy way for otherwise smart people to justify their desire to remain ignorant about certain facts that don’t align with their preconceived ideals. It’s no surprise moral relativism (and homosexuality) is the cornerstone of Liberalism. The Liberal party has always been an oasis for confused, angry, and uninformed fools.

    What else? Oh yeah – Obama is dickhead. If you can’t see that by now please refer to the previous paragraph for insight into your own stupidity.

  3. avatar
    deliminator 12/02/2013 13:41

    Admiral, you are either crazy or the master of parody.

  4. avatar
    Hugh G. Rection 12/02/2013 15:39

    Deliminator, you are either homosexual or a master of parody.

  5. avatar
    Beylerbey 12/02/2013 23:21

    Always thought this bitch was hideous.

  6. avatar
    Skeletor 12/03/2013 04:46

    You are a terrible writer, Lex. You should be ashamed of your sorry work. Please quit.

    Maria routinely shows off her tits and pussy, so she is OK in my book.

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