Britney Spears Wardrobe Splits Open in Vegas

I hate to say I told you so, but Britney’s going to need some space-age type teflon seams to keep her snug outfits from rupturing nightly during her show in Vegas. You can’t just expect traditional fibers to hold up to the load-bearing pressure of her bulges shifting like tectonic plates against her various tightly bound showgirl costumes. Anybody who’s ever worked the assembly line at Hillshire Farms knows the nightmare of overstuffed casings coming down the pike at four feet per second. Despite the potential embarrassment, I’d go dark on the show for the next ten days or 15 pounds.
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