Johnny Weir Will Not Be Held Gay Hostage

Even as Obama is trying to carpet bomb Russia with every gay athlete he can find, gay activist groups are calling for those same same-sex loving Olympians to boycott the shit out of Sochi. But figure skater Johnny Weir has told them to go take a long gay hike. He’s going to Sochi. Not as an athlete or anything, he’s not on the team. He’s just going to hang in the Olympic Village around the showers for when security calls for mandatory lockdowns due to the inevitable terrorist attacks. We only have moments to live, open mouth kiss me, you Hungarian bobsledding man-fool.

I could never boycott the Olympics whether they be in Pyongyang (North Korea), in Uganda, in Iran or Mars. I would have competed there because my whole life has been about going to the Olympics. Being gay isn’t something that I chose, being gay is something I was born into. But being an Olympic athlete was something that I chose and something I worked hard for and I’ll see it to any necessary end.

It actually did end, Johnny. But I get your point. The Olympics isn’t a place for politics. That what athletes say about the Olympics when they really want to go even when it’s in horribly repressive countries. It’s what performers like Beyonce say too when they go sing at private parties for dictators’ kids. That’s just about the music, or the sanctity of the birthday party. Sometimes it’s hard to be politically correct and also get what you want. In those instances, nobody in your coffee klatch is going to blame you for a little lying.