Kaley Cuoco’s New Husband Is a Romantic

By Lex January 17, 2014 @ 2:11 PM

You know whose name you don’t tattoo prominently on your body? The person you just fell in love with or just married or just met their cute puppy and decided you want to make babies with them and open up a free-trade coffee house in Butte, Montana. In fact, you shouldn’t really even be allowed to get a real tattoo until you’re 30, with no inked names until you’re 40. It would save so much fucking skin-ache. But, there’s no stopping the true romantics. Ryan Sweeting just married Kaley Cuoco and figured what the heck, only 89% of celebrity marriages end in divorce, let’s tat this shit permanent with her name sprawled across my forearm. And how about maybe toss in a giant roman numeral of the date of our wedding just to kick it up a couple fairytale notches. Oh, my god, she’s going to love this. If things go south, I can always wear long sleeves for the rest of my life so people don’t mock the living shit out of me.

Kaley reciprocated her new husband’s boldly romantic move by getting drunk at a party and grabbing her own tits for the camera. I’m going to peg Kaley as the one who comes out less broken on the back end of this relationship.

wwtdd

(6) Comments

  1. avatar
    DrainBammage 01/17/2014 14:50

    Is that one in yellow the stacked short blonde with the annoying voice on BBT?

    Much hotter than Cuoco, better tits too.

    Im sure that Blossom bent over in a g-string is also more boner inducing that Cuoco.

  2. avatar
    Maybe_Observer 01/17/2014 15:00

    With Kaley Cuoco’s fabulous tits and bubble-butt ass………

    ….I’d tattoo her name everywhere…………..though maybe just in henna……

  3. avatar
    Ernst Stavro Blofeld 01/17/2014 15:12

    Kind of an amateurish move, but I’d still give this clown a spot in the suitcase pimp hall of fame. Not quite Federline level, because sticking if to a C-lister like Cuoco won’t get him access to Spears money, but still, I’d put him higher than Tom Arnold. That two-bit grifter had to stuff a lumbering, stinky Brontosaurus like Rosanne Barr in order to get himself even a D-list career. And he still has to work. Sweetling laid it on thick with the cheeseball “true love” tat move, which could get Cuoco to give up the industry contacts. “Look, baby. I got the ink. I’m committed to you all the way. Maybe you could prove your commitment to me? Any parts coming up on Big Bang Theory you think I might be a fit for?” Just a taste at first, then try to get some meetings. Take it slow, Sweetling.

  4. avatar
    Beylerbey 01/17/2014 16:44

    “I’m going to peg Kaley as the one who comes out less broken on the back end of this relationship.”

    The guy gets to walk around for the rest of his life being Kaley Cuoco’s ex-husband. It’s also likely that she makes a lot more money than he does, so he stands to walk with some cash.

    Kaley, on the other hand, is increasing her marriage # by one and making herself look stupid with all the lovey-dovey shit that will inevitably be repudiated fairly soon. Anyone who thinks she’ll come out ahead is deluded.

  5. avatar
    miche the killer 01/17/2014 21:08

    the first thing I thought was that’s gonna hurt to get removed. I’m a romantic like that.

  6. avatar
    ThisSiteIsGayPornography 01/18/2014 04:07

    Desperate move.

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