Nobody hates a good wedding as much as I do. I want to whisk every groom up there away on a Ghost of Marriage Future tour to snap them out of the belief that all that naughty and free-spirited engagement naughty is going to continue past the wedding cake. Just like everybody gives that crappy graduation speech about how graduation is just a beginning, so too should every minister be forced to directly address the groom and tell him that marriage really is an ending. A total black darkness cessation of your very will to live. I’m sour. Sure. I probably could’ve used a turn at Kaley Cuoco’s New Year’s Eve wedding to the 667th ranked tennis player in the world. You know this was true love by the mere fact that Kaley was in true love with the dude who played Superman just six months ago. According to Ali Fedotowsky, who once won The Bachelor reality show earning her a fake engagement, so she knows from love, there was not a dry eye in the estate at Kaley’s wedding:
There was so much love during the ceremony. I was in tears, my boyfriend was in tears, just hearing them profess their love for each other—they’re the real deal.”
Wow, that certainly does sound powerful. Also, your boyfriend sounds pretty gay. I’d think about going back to the fake relationship with The Bachelor, at least he didn’t need a hanky at weddings.
Photo Credit: PCN, Esquire