Obama To Address Justin Bieber Deportation

By Lex January 29, 2014 @ 8:16 PM

I can’t remember all the shit Obama promised as President. Just last night he promised a ton more shit. I believe I’m supposed to get laid more often and look a hint less like a beagle. I know Obama promised more openness and access for the Average Joe who can’t pay fifty grand to shake the Presidential hand at Jeffrey Katzenberg’s vegan-option soirees. Obama set up that idiotic White House petition process so that angry ethnic groups and black helicopter conspiracists and the other people who routinely bug the shit out of the White House operator could create online rants instead. If 100,000 people sign your petition, the President will look at them. Sort of like he looks at Malia’s social science homework or the federal budget. A couple seconds of retinal fly by and a reassuring smile.

The Deport Justin Bieber people officially passed the 100,000 signature mark so Barack’s going to need to check that one out. The Keep Bieber petitioners have set up a couple of their own to countermand the Deport Bieber people:

Instead of looking at all the horrible events that Justin Bieber has been through why not the good? People only look at his bad boy aura and not everything that he has done to help around the world. He has donated so much money to charity’s but people over look that fact. Also, what about all these celebrity’s that have done so much worse. For example, Chris Brown was charged for Women abuse but was let off the hook. Just because he’s Justin Bieber and not some rapper doesn’t mean he deserves this.

For semi-literate middle schoolers, the Keep Bieber petitioners make an excellent point. We do completely omit Bieber’s fine charity work. He falls into that smallish 99.8 percent of celebrities linked to good causes. It’s a well known fact that he did something nice for someone with a horrible disease. Probably a kid. Shit, he probably hugged him and took photos. And what about that double standard accusation? Chris Brown did do lots of Women abuse and he gets to still live here. Why don’t we deport him back to Virginia? This democracy thing really is the best way to decide stuff. Keep it rolling, Average Joe.

wwtdd

(4) Comments

  1. avatar
    fiddlebom 01/29/2014 20:49

    Laughable that you guys crack on the ‘semi-literate’

  2. avatar
    Admiral 01/30/2014 01:04

    Haha, this post was great. Barry Soetoro is such a tool. I wonder how many signatures a “Deport Barack Obama Back To Indonesia” petition would get.

  3. avatar
    yukon 01/30/2014 08:43

    Do you really think he donates to charity out of the goodness of his heart, or because his accountants tell him to for a tax write off?

  4. avatar
    DrainBammage 01/30/2014 14:05

    its now 195,513.

    Can we get it to 500,000 by the weekend, its for a good cause..

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