Oscars Nominate Films Nobody Watches Again

By Lex January 16, 2014 @ 6:04 PM

Everybody loves to watch The Oscars even though nobody watches the films they nominate every year. Out of the nine films nominated for Best Picture, only Gravity made it into the Top 25 films in ticket sales for 2013. Gravity only made it because people went to see if after their buddy told them it was Sandra Bullock in her panties blowing shit up in space. That is a decent hook. I don’t trust people who try to hide what they really do. Hollywood makes comic book movies and sequels and mindless action movies and raunchy comedies that people like to watch. Then once a year the same people get together and give each other awards for the shit they were actually proud of that nobody saw. It’s all okay because Ellen wears a tux better than you do. I don’t ask a lot of my whores, just honesty. I don’t mind hearing about how many men you rimmed to pay the rent, just don’t whip out your watercolor of Sad Pink Flower on Window Sill and tell me you’re really a painter.

(3) Comments

  1. avatar
    fiddlebom 01/16/2014 20:06

    Speaking of awards, this site will never have to worry about getting one. =D

  2. avatar
    LexIsGreat 01/17/2014 11:59

    Brilliant post. Here’s Lex’s nominations for movie of the year (Based on Top 25 gross)

    Fast & Furious 6
    Identity Thief
    We’re the Millers
    Grown Ups 2
    Oz The Great and Powerful
    G.I. Joe: Retaliation
    The Croods

  3. avatar
    Hugh G. Rection 01/17/2014 12:51

    In the “Politically Correct Propaganda” category I see that only two films were nominated:

    In the White People Are Evil subcategory: “12 Years a Slave”
    In the Everybody Has AIDS subcategory: “Dallas Buyers Club”

    Surprisingly, no films were nominated in the Gay People Are Everywhere And They Are Always Better Than Straight People subcategory, or the Retards Are People Too subcategory

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