Sheriffs Raid Bieber House for Eggs and Cameras and Little Tiny Boy Tampons

By Lex January 14, 2014 @ 3:27 PM

Last week, Justin Bieber threw eggs at his neighbor’s house while the neighbor called him a mother fucker and a little bitch and other words that aren’t necessarily polite, but pretty accurate. There’s no real crime in Los Angeles since Robocop arrived, so a fullĀ eleven Sheriff deputy cars rolled up to Bieber’s house this morning with a search warrant related to the potential felony vandalism. They’re not looking for eggs, but rather the elaborate surveillance cameras Bieber has around his property to ensure that only invited guests make it into his home to sign the five million dollar confidentiality agreements about drug use and boy-boy sex. Once again, everybody is desperate to nail this little lesbian douche on some punk charge that will never stick. Maybe we’ll get lucky and one of the cops will plant some sales weight heroin in Biebers velvety sock drawer. Or Bieber will try to kung fu a deputy to earn his bones in the WhiteGirls4Eva street gang. Else wise, this Bieber incident will just cost him another $50K in legal fees he could care less about to make go away. Remember, this only gets fun when Justin cries real tears, as from pain or suffering or misplacing his lucky anal beads.

Update: Lil Za was taken away by police for drug possession at Bieber’s house. Hopefully the eleven man police armada will get to the bottom of who the fuck Lil Za is. I feel safer already.

wwtdd

(1) Comment

  1. avatar
    Beanman 01/14/2014 15:34

    How many writers are here now? How many of you does it take to write this badly and have just as few updates as brendon did?

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