Clay Aiken Will Run For Congress

By Jack February 05, 2014 @ 4:44 PM

Clay Aiken is going to put his flailing music career on hold to run for Congress. The crooning pixie will try and get the seat currently held by Renee Ellmers in North Carolina. Aiken has been toying with the idea of having his member democratically elected for a while now. He feels that his credentials as a guy that came in second place in a singing competition ten years ago gives him the knowledge and experience required to help run the country. It’s hard to say anybody could be worse than the barrel of failed businessmen and dimwitted activists and combed-over pederasts currently filling the hallowed halls of the Capitol. But Clay Aiken forces that conversation. At least give me Ruben Studdard. He actually won American Idol and he’s lost over 200 pounds like five times. I appreciate Clay’s impressive transformation into a lady Lithgow, but Studdard is the guy to solve the national debt crisis with song and a salad.

wwtdd

(7) Comments

  1. avatar
    DrainBammage 02/05/2014 17:54

    Failed businessman? Check.
    Dimwitted activist? Check.
    I’m sure he can work out to be a good combed-over pederast.
    Youre right, he is more than qualified.

    And here I thought that his only marketable talent is that he can suck d1ck.
    My bad. Confusing how to become a congressman and how to become an actor.

  2. avatar
    Ernst Stavro Blofeld 02/05/2014 18:01

    It’s heart-warming to think that today Clay Aiken’s dozen or so basement-dwelling fans in North Carolina have a reason to venture outside and face the sun, to pick up some fresh razors for celebratory cutting, to smear on clown make-up on in front of the bathroom mirror, let the tears flow, and declare with absolute certainty, “You will love me one day, Clay…as I love you” before flogging their own backs with thumb-tack covered belts until passing out. I’m positively weepy.

  3. avatar
    aquanetta jones 02/05/2014 18:40

    A free cock in every pot

  4. avatar
    Mud Nugget 02/05/2014 19:59

    not sure about a congressman, but he would probably make a good cock sucking page

  5. avatar
    Al Bundy 02/06/2014 04:09

    His music career has been over for sometime. The only career he’s leaving now is his Broadway career.

  6. avatar
    ThisSiteIsGayPornography 02/06/2014 12:36

    He is still better than Obama or Al Franken. He would at least ask permission before bending you over and reaming you. He also has minimal experience in the private sector, which is a 1000x more than Dear Leader Comrade Barry Soetaro.

  7. avatar
    cemclk350 02/06/2014 16:19

    Kenneth Parcell’s brother cousin isn’t making me feel any more familiar or comfortable by referring to his mother as “mom”.

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