Dennis Rodman Gives North Korea A Cleveland Steamer

Dennis Rodman went on quite a big bender in North Korea. How big? Shit, piss, and puke all over your hotel kind of big. Rodman was in North Korea putting on an exhibition game and figuring out ways to betray his country through sheer stupidity. After he did an angry U.S. TV interviews that seemed to defend the maniacal practices of Great Leader Jr., Rodman saved face by declaring himself an alcoholic and checked into rehab. Everyone thought he was playing the sad addict card, but according to The South Korean news story, he hit bottom pretty gooey:

“[Dennis Rodman] was drunk the whole week of his stay. And the night before he left for the U.S., he was drunk, unconscious, and vomiting everywhere he turned. He even urinated and emptied the bowels in the hallway.”

You have to feel sorry for the indentured servant forced to clean up the kimchee clogged colon droppings of a large man like Rodman. Maybe Rodman isn’t a traitor after all, Perhaps he allowed the NSA to secrete several micro intelligence gathering devices in his gastrointestinal tubes that are now spread throughout the North Korean countryside collecting data. Maybe one day there will be a statue of Rodman secretly built, crated, and hidden away in that Raiders warehouse with the ark. Or maybe one day he’ll just be found dead and diseased in a gutter. If I were a betting man, I’d go with door number two.