I'm not sure how you get a break from judging American Idol. I thought that was some sacred duty to discover the best singer in America with a tragic backstory set to a melancholy score. I guess they let Jennifer Lopez go for the weekend to film this big commercial to get everybody to buy tickets to the World Cup this summer. Sochi has had a big problem selling tickets, mostly because people really only travel to the Black Sea when tied up in the back of KGB cars. Also, making up fake sports on ice hasn't proven to be super compelling to people below the 60th parallel. The World Cup is in Rio, which is sun and beaches and hookers who have been trading sex for beads continuously since 1720. It seems like a natural draw for the rest of the world. Just remind your loved ones to follow standard proof of life protocols after your kidnapping and off you go.
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