Khloe Kardashian Needs to Beef Up Security

Khloe Kardashian may be built like a WWII era German flak tower, but there’s no such thing as a completely impenetrable fortress. An intoxicated Bigfoot hunter wrapped up Khloe from behind as she tried to make her way into Miley’s Bangerz tour. How Khloe’s bodyguards let this potential Sirhan Sirhan lay his paws upon her fecund expanse is something of a mystery. It’s a failure of the very name of their professional occupation. I’d think Khloe qualifies for some kind of Secret Service detail given her inherent importance to the retarded girl social media food chain, Khloe’s inane complimentary tweets about every musical artist who gives her free close-up tickets to their shows keeps several key sectors of our consumer economy booming. Khloe’s the Harry Knowles of bubble gum pop. If she stopped shaving for a couple weeks, you’d really get that analogy.

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