Lady Gaga Almost Forgot How Fucking Awesome She Is

By Lex February 06, 2014 @ 5:38 PM

R Kelly And Lady Gaga Perform Onstage At The 2013 American Music Awards

2013 was a tough year for Lady Gaga. If you discount the $50 million she got paid to share John Travolta’s tranny closet, it was a shitty twelve months. Lady Gaga had so many Twitter battles and fights with her gays that by the end of the year, she couldn’t even feel her own heartbeat. I’m not sure anybody can feel their own heartbeat, but not everybody is Lady Gaga. She can sense her organs at work. She can feel her ovaries producing reptilian eggs. When the cardiac muscle went quiet, she knew she was suffering from a super bad case of the rich white girl problems.

“January 1, I woke up, started crying again, and I looked in the mirror and said, ‘I know you don’t want to fight. I know you think you can’t, but you’ve done this before. I know it hurts, but you won’t survive this depression.’… I learned that my sadness never destroyed what was great about me. You just have to go back to that greatness, find that one little light that’s left. I’m lucky I found one little glimmer stored away.”

Hey, sometimes you have to face yourself in the mirror to honestly assess your own awesomeness. If not for yourself, Gaga, then for the world. Scrape that fairy dust off you from your many eccentric artist fights and get back to being the greatest great person ever in the history of great. You really can’t start recovery until you hit your highest manic heights. I say she’s all cured now. Or jumping naked off the Brooklyn Bridge by March. You never know where that little light will take you.

wwtdd

(1) Comment

  1. Admiral 02/06/2014 22:52

    I could live for the next 60 years in a comfortable bliss with just one million, and she’s got 50 and she’s depressed. Life is so stupid.

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