Philip Seymour Hoffman Had a Lousy Super Bowl Sunday

By Lex February 02, 2014 @ 10:22 PM

It’s hard to imagine anybody had a worse Sunday than the Denver Broncos, but Philip Seymour Hoffman probably did. He definitely won’t be getting another shot at a ring. Hoffman’s soul hit its heroin limit and took flight in a New York City apartment early Sunday morning. Hoffman fell off the drug wagon this past year after a nearly two decade run of being fat and sober and pretty fucking talented. Which just goes to show that sticking a needle in your arm full of morphine acetylated in a Jalisco garage is still riskier than playing gin rummy with your grandma.

Naturally, everybody in Hollywood that could muster a LinkedIn 6th degree connection or better with Hoffman took to the social media airwaves.

Thanks, Samwise, that puts Hoffman’s death in perspective. Got any succor in that eulogy bag for the Broncos fans?

wwtdd

(12) Comments

  1. avatar
    Admiral 02/03/2014 01:37

    He chose poorly.

  2. avatar
    RVonD 02/03/2014 10:16

    Okay….

    I have been reading this site for a very long time. When the change in writer happened, I was more than willing to offer my services to a site I thought, while snarky, provided a different perspective on celebrity and pop culture.

    Now I’m glad you passed on my stuff.

    If this is the direction you’re going in, just taking the piss out of dead people and putting any no-name with great tits on the front page, I’ll gladly get my humor somewhere else. Why don’t you give us a shout when you’re done with the lowest-common-denominator-style jokes and pointless drivel.

    “Sticking a needle in your arm….is still more risky than playing gin rummy with your grandma,” while not the worst joke in this article, is a prime example of how far the mighty have fallen.

  3. avatar
    kebiryfy 02/03/2014 11:30

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  4. avatar
    mrleelee123 02/03/2014 11:36

    Spot on “RVonD”

    This Lex guy seems to think it’s really funny to mock people who’ve just died. He’s the same guy who mocked Paul Walker when he died.

    Basically he’s just an unfunny arsehole.

  5. avatar
    deliminator 02/03/2014 12:02

    Cry me a river, mrleelee123 and rvond.

  6. avatar
    Lotsa_Dandruff 02/03/2014 12:31

    He will never get diarrhea again! Godspeed Hoffman!

  7. avatar
    Admiral 02/03/2014 12:56

    I thought this was one of Lex’s finest posts – he’s getting better with time, I must say.

    But more to a broader point – If you’re looking for sympathy, good writing, or respectful words for women or men that don’t have spectacular boobs, then you’re in the wrong part of the internet.

    Tubby jerk that suicides on the strongest narcotic known to man and leaves his family behind to fend for themselves deserves to be mocked, frankly.

  8. avatar
    RVonD 02/03/2014 12:57

    dellminator,

    I’m not saying that you shouldn’t cover a celebrity dying on a website like this. I’m not saying that I’m one of those people who get overly upset by the passing of people who make bad choices. What I am saying is this:

    This site has been plagued by low-hanging-fruit humor for the past year or so. It seems to me that the only people who can find any semblance of humor in this are the same people that will use the phrase “cry me a river.”

  9. avatar
    RVonD 02/03/2014 13:04

    Admiral,

    I’m not against mocking people, because I get what this site is for. You’re missing the point.

    Maybe I’m in the minority here, but I think this can be done in a way that’s smarter and, dare I say it, with a bit more thought other than what I’ve been reading.

    My lament centers around shitty writing, not dead celebrities.

  10. avatar
    mrleelee123 02/03/2014 13:08

    “Tubby jerk that suicides on the strongest narcotic known to man and leaves his family behind to fend for themselves deserves to be mocked, frankly.”

    Wow, jealousy really is an ugly trait.

  11. avatar
    knox 02/03/2014 15:51

    Mocking people or no, the greatest sin is the terrible writing. And it seems to me Lex is the worst offender. His attempts to pull off rapid fire, snarky, ranting type humor are painful to read. It is almost dizzying trying to follow his posts. I’m not saying they should find someone who writes well and is funny, but at least one of the two.

    You don’t have to make every sentence a joke. Unlike penis size, quality is more important than quantity.

    Also, stop calling them yabbos. I can only assume you’re wearing a hawaiian shirt and ordering at hooters when you write that.

  12. avatar
    Beylerbey 02/03/2014 17:01

    “If this is the direction you’re going in, just taking the piss out of dead people and putting any no-name with great tits on the front page, I’ll gladly get my humor somewhere else.”

    So I guess it’s not just the “shitty writing.” Everyone knows Lex sucks, but that wasn’t your original critique.

    I’m with the Admiral: your convoluted notions of quality probably won’t ever be found here, so it might be a good idea to mosey on over to the Chive. They post all kinds of feel-good horseshit.

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