Philip Seymour Hoffman Killed By Scientology

By Lex February 07, 2014 @ 3:44 PM

According to reports, Philip Seymour Hoffman fell off the decades long sobriety wagon with just one single drink at the wrap party for The Master, where he played the L. Ron Hubbard like character of the film that was basically a lawsuit proof version of how Scientology got started. Lots of drinking and sex apparently. Hoffman’s single cocktail turned into several more, which turned into a real bender. While most people who drink one too many end up sleeping with a girl form the bar with oddly spaced teeth, Hoffman’s several sheets to the wind led to a heroin overdose in a Manhattan apartment. I think he made five more movies though in the interim.

Here’s pictures of people crying going to Hoffman’s funeral. It’s a good reminder to kids not to use drugs that can kill you. Stick to the shit that only makes you fat and listless and you’ll live long enough that everybody will hate you by the time you die.

(4) Comments

  1. avatar
    Ernst Stavro Blofeld 02/07/2014 17:34

    Lighten up, Hollywood. Jani Lane from Warrant got a memorial gig at the Key Club featuring Great White, Quiet Riot, and L.A. Guns when he overdosed. These things don’t need to be such dour affairs. Do something in line with his personality, like rent out an artist’s loft space downtown and do a mimed version of King Lear with a cast comprised entirely of overweight midgets with their hairlines shaved back 4″ in tribute to Hoffman’s gargantuan forehead. It’d be gangbusters.

  2. avatar
    Beylerbey 02/07/2014 20:29

    NYC’s mainstream artist community decided to see how much pretentiousness they could stuff into a single church. The guy with the fashionably loose tie and unkempt hair quickly took the lead and would keep it the entire night.

    I wish I could have attended just to inform Michelle Williams that I’m glad her ex-husband is still dead.

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