Shia LaBeouf Is Important

By Michael February 10, 2014 @ 1:17 PM

Shia LaBeouf wore a bag on his head, walked out of a press conference, and generally acted like a chode at the Berlin Film Festival. He was there to promote the glorified porno Nymphomaniac, directed by sieg heiling pervert Lars Von Trier. It all began during a press conference when a reporter asked LaBeouf what it was like to be in a movie with so much sexy and nudity. Instead of answering the question like a standard self-important actor would, Shia decided to answer by plagiarizing French soccer player Eric Cantona:

“When seagulls follow the trawler it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea.”

What in the name of shit are you talking about you crazy fuck? Things got even weirder when LaBeouf showed up on the red carpet wearing a bag on his head that said, “I’m not famous anymore”. He claims that all of his weird behavior of late is just performance art and not that he’s a little shit dick bereft of original ideas. It’s hard to say if he’s being a pretentious asshole or if he has some kind of substance abuse problem beyond just his routinely occurring drunken bar beatdowns. I’d expect him to enter some kind of ironic rehab center shortly to be treated for pseudo-intellectual assholery. If we’re lucky, he’ll fake his own death and play it out for four to five decades in hiding.

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(6) Comments

  1. avatar
    DrainBammage 02/10/2014 13:50

    Im not sure why you make glorified porno and pervert sound like a bad thing.

  2. avatar
    Maybe_Observer 02/10/2014 15:01

    It may be a “performance”….but I doubt it is “art”

  3. avatar
    Maybe_Observer 02/10/2014 15:02

    A synonym for “douche-bag” can now be “labeouf-bag”

    …or “sh*it-bag can become “Shia-bag”…..

  4. avatar
    Maybe_Observer 02/10/2014 15:03


  5. avatar
    Admiral 02/10/2014 15:16

    I prefer “beef-bag” as a rough translation.

  6. avatar
    Beylerbey 02/10/2014 17:40

    Syphilitic dementia. Advanced stages.

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