The Russian Olympics Need More Russians in Lingerie

The Sochi games are second rate. The least a Winter Olympics country can do is provide snow, but somehow Russia bribed its way into a host city that is the single place in their massive nation that isn’t super fucking frigid in February. The Olympics have essentially become a warm spring jubilee for blond people pretending not to be gay. It’s like April at BYU. But don’t count the Russkies out just yet. They stocked their fake women’s curling team with Anna Sidorova, one damn good looking Russian model chick who they got to take most of her clothes off for pictures. Clever commies. Now instead of people asking questions like, ‘Why are there thousands of dead Chechyns in the canal behind my hotel?’, everybody is asking the more pertinent sports question, ‘How the hell do I get to slap that Russian curling chick’s tight ass?’. If you don’t like the conversation, change it with tits.