Valentino Apologizes for Hawking Purses at Philip Seymour Hoffman’s Funeral

By Lex February 10, 2014 @ 2:25 PM

Amy Adams Attends The Wake Of Philip Seymour Hoffman In New York
Among the idiotic jobs you may not know exist is celebrity spotters for fashion companies. These Mensa candidates scan all the paparazzi photos to see if any celebrity is wearing or holding any of their client’s high-priced child-labor sewn goods and then alert the gossip sites. That way breathless recent college grads can blog shit like ‘Jennifer Lawrence was wearing a gorgeous necklace by Douchenozzle’ and stuff that makes woman go buy more Douchenozzle products when they’re at the mall. The chick who works for Valentino spotted Amy Adams toting around one of the Italian designers new handbags. So she zipped right into press release mode.

We are pleased to announce Amy Adams carrying the Valentino Garavani Rockstud Duble bag from the Spring/Summer 2014 collection on Feb. 6 in New York

Well, of course, you’re going to want the Rockstud Duble when you’re burying your dead heroin addicted friend. Everybody jumped for fucking cover after this press release started getting bitched out on social media for using Philip Seymour Hoffman’s funeral as a publicity turn. Amy Adams assured the world that she wasn’t getting paid to carry around a $20 beach bag that goes for $3,000 at the Duty Free in Hong Kong. Valentino apologized for not knowing Philip Seymour Hoffman couldn’t handle his H and for talking about gay sex well into his late 70′s. Then everyone agreed to share an expresso and make fun of people who purchase off the rack at department stores.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

(2) Comments

  1. avatar
    Admiral 02/10/2014 15:14

    I’m no theology expert, but I’m pretty sure Phillip Seymour Hoffman went straight to Hell. Isn’t an overdose the same thing as suicide? Yeah, I’m pretty sure it is.

  2. avatar
    Beylerbey 02/10/2014 17:37

    I think it’s appropriate. Actors are insanely overpaid whores. They should have had a Starbucks kiosk next to the body.

    And no, an accidental overdose is not the same thing as suicide, but it hardly matters since Xtianity is a false religion.

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