Chris Pine Set to Be Hobbit Raped

March 14, 2014 | celebrity | editor | 0 Comments

Chris Pine and his giant forehead were arrested in New Zealand for drunk driving. The arrest happened last week but the news that it was the fetal-looking Star Trek star broke today. It appears that Chris had a Maori girl child standard number of beers (four to seven depending on her tattoos) and tried to drive back to the hotel. It was then when the New Zealand cops rang the triangles attached to their scooters and stopped him. His blood alcohol level was .08, which is enough to get him put in the pokey. He will appear in court on Monday. I really don’t like Chris Pine. Besides the fact that his huge cranium offends me on an aesthetic level, word about L.A. is that he’s a noteworthy. According to my ever reliable anonymous buddy source, while at USC Pine thought he was the greatest actor since Brando. He’s not even good enough to be better than Shatner. I’m told he affected a British accent for years. That’s punch in the face worthy. I hope the Kiwis lock him up in Hobbit jail and he gets raped until the shire is cleansed.

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