In Russia, You Punch Steven Seagal

March 29, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen | 0 Comments

The effeminate running fat karate actor Steven Seagal is making news this week and not because his heart exploded from running to the toilet after a five tin binge on Beefaroni. No, Steven has become latest American shill actor to be used in Russian propaganda against the United States. The state-run newspaper Smorgasbord or something like that ran with a few quotes from Seagal about Putin being one of the great living world leaders, though I guess only so-so when measured against the dead ones. Seagal called Obama a stupid head who ought to stop bitching about Crimea and said he’d love to maybe get himself Russian citizenship just like Gerard Depardieu, since both men are now at the stage when they are so engorged that they are pissing themselves on airplanes. Seagal’s pro-Russian shifting intellectual positions may or may not be related to his increasing need to find funding for his still ongoing fat guy karate films in the former Eastern Bloc. He’s also working with Putin as the spokesperson for a new national fitness program called ‘Ready for Labor and Defense’. That inspiring title makes you want to hit the treadmill and work off your blood sausage and vodka breakfast. What America will do with the loss of Steven Seagal remains to be seen. The slight down tick in our national diabetes rates should serve as some solace. Farewell, Dear Steven, you fat lummox Ninja fuck.

Tags: steven seagal