I’m not saying I’m an expert on women, but I’m also not saying I’m not. I’ve sat in lots of waiting rooms reading lots of women’s magazines. I know when a middle-aged woman is getting laid. With young women, you really can’t tell. I remember learning that the dowdy looking clarinet player in my high school had a longer done list than Lindsay Lohan’s latest tally. At the same time, the supposed school slut who was always flashing her ass remained a virgin until marriage. But mature women are easier to peg. They wear tight clothes and bright colors. Bright colors tells the world as a woman you’re feeling fecund. It’s the precise opposite of bland colored pantsuits, which tells the world, you haven’t been penetrated since your husband Bill was running for governor. I think Jennifer Lopez is still dating that teenage backup dancer. And, by dating, I mean, he’s banging the shnozz out of her until she feels like wearing pink skinny jeans in public. He gets the keys to the car and use of the pool at three of her homes. It’s a solid deal.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, FameFlynet, AKM-GSI