Lady Gaga Is Music

With every new song release from her ARTPOP album, Lady Gaga dons the dental hygienist face guard as the natural reaction of casual radio listeners will be to want to shit in her eyes. Her latest release is entitled G.U.Y. and I have no fucking clue what it’s about. I’m going to guess something drawn from the life of a wealthy but misunderstood singing marmoset like creature. Her opus eleven minute long music video is creating waves because she spent a boatload of money shooting at Hearst Castle, which meant bussing 500 gay backup dancers to the Central California shore location. I imagine that trip got rowdy.

In the video, Lady Gaga is a naked bird that gets shot by an arrow then gets taken to a palace where a bunch of Bravo! TV personalities distract her so her unbound sexual potency won’t turn all the gay dudes hetero. Though many of the shnozz bangers still try to mount her. You were born that way, she was born this way, she can’t lower her raw animal sexuality to a simmer. There’s some more dry humping and simulated masturbation and auto-tuned singing about things that I’m sure make sense to girls who haven’t been out since the first Bush was President. All in all, I give it two thumbs up. The same thumbs I’m going to use to spread my cheeks and shit in her eyes when she finally ditches that mask.

Photo Credit: INFphoto.com