Miranda Kerr Seems Happy

By Lex March 31, 2014 @ 5:42 PM

Miranda Kerr Strips Down For The May Issue Of GQ UK
I know many young women dream of marrying a devilishly handsome gay dude who rides a scooter. I’ve never been a woman, but I can only imagine the allure of a man with whom you can spend hours scarf shopping and talking about the Namibian bitches at work. Still, the half-life of any celebrity marriage even with people naturally inclined to boink each other is only but a few years, so the demise of Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr seemed inevitable. Then Miranda got fired from Victoria’s Secret for what every woman who worked there agreed was being a super bitch while every man in the world agreed they could care less and just wanted to have sex with her while she read the rugby scores in her Australian accent. The concurrent events might take down a normal woman, but it turns out if you’re really good looking and get paid to take your clothes off, you bounce back faster than others. I wish I was really good looking and got paid to take my clothes off. Perhaps I wouldn’t need three hugs and a week of tears when both my Christian Mingle and J-Date statuses show zero responses, proving that more than one God thinks I’m unlovable.

Photo Credit: GQ UK

(12) Comments

  1. avatar
    Beylerbey 03/31/2014 18:01

    Yet another woman who in all likelihood blew up her marriage because she was unhaaaaaapy, and now her kid gets to join the Children of Divorce. Nothing sexy about that.

  2. avatar
    Hugh G. Rection 03/31/2014 18:41

    Beyler, she accidentally married a fag.

  3. avatar
    Toast 03/31/2014 20:27

    She likes FAGS…Derek Jeter to Orlando……who is next, George Clooney?

  4. avatar
    Beylerbey 03/31/2014 21:49

    Okay, so there are extenuating circumstances.

    Hopefully she gets that gaydar repaired/upgraded before the next pregnancy.

  5. avatar
    Beppo 03/31/2014 22:11

    I feel as happy as a little girl.

  6. avatar
    Toast 03/31/2014 22:33

    I hope you are shaved as one.

  7. avatar
    Beppo 03/31/2014 22:46

    Indeed. The fall breeze is wafting past my anus as a harbinger of delights to come

  8. avatar
    Toast 03/31/2014 22:58

    Hugh G Rection, can you help me clean up this mess Beppo made me do?
    Be a doll and pass me the Roll of Bounty…

  9. avatar
    zuzivumuf 04/01/2014 08:19

    I buy almost everything except food and clothing from online auctions most people aren’t aware of the almost unbelievable deals that they can get from online auction sites the site that has the best deals is http://is.gd/v8Akrv

    I checked with the BBB and was told that it is all legit. How they can sell gift cards, laptops, cameras, and all kinds of goodies that we all want for 50-90% off, I don’t know I do know that I bought my son an ipad there for less than $100 and my husband a $250 Low gift
    cards for $48Why would I even think about shopping anyþlace else?

  10. avatar
    wayne44870 04/01/2014 08:51

    I”d let her f**k me

  11. avatar
    Mud Nugget 04/01/2014 11:00

    I got nuthin…

  12. avatar
    Hugh G. Rection 04/01/2014 13:36

    Oh, yeah. Tits.

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