Scarlett Johansson’s Tits Are Pregnant

Soon, Scarlett Johansson will be bringing new life into this world with her French boyfriend Jean Valjean or something like that. While most people voted for Scarlett not to get pregnant so they could continue masturbating to her old body, they probably didn’t consider how much bigger her already big tits would get. Just look at her on the red carpet. She almost makes me want to pay $12 to watch Chris Evans try to remember his acting class techniques again. All we can do now is wait for the nude pregnancy photos some hacker kid will rip from her cellphone by June. You know she’s taking them. Who has tits like that and doesn’t feel compelled to keep a photo diary? That’s rhetorical.

Photo Credit: Getty