Your Problems Are Crap Compared to Rebeca’s

March 15, 2014 | WTF | Lex Jurgen | 0 Comments

Now I feel bad for every joking celebrity hooker reference today. Some people have no choice but to sell their bodies for sex in this world because they need to put food on the table for their kids, or they need to care for sick parents, or they want an anatomical vagina. Rodrigo Lopes was a pretty popular contestant on Big Brother in England, where everybody on TV has an annoying British accent. That can’t be pleasant. Rodrigo returned to his native Brazil determined to become Rebeca, because when you choose your new girl name it has to be an alliterative alternative to your boy name. That’s in the transgender handbook on Page 43 right after panties shopping etiquette. The problem is, Rodrigo is broke, and while Brazil seems to have tons of cash to waste on the World Cup and buckshotting street kids to death, it has zero cash to turn your dick into a vagina. So almost-Rebeca has turned to turning tricks to build up his nip tuck fund.

“I go to interviews for bar work and they see me and then my documents showing me as a boy. They say they’ll call me but they never do. I have a degree in TV production but I can’t even get bar work.”

Well, there’s your problem. It’s not that your name is Rodrigo and you’re showing up to interviews in a miniskirt and pumps, it’s that TV production degree. You might as well Occupy Wall Street with a French Lit degree from SUNY Binghamton. How about a little lemons into lemonade here, Rebeca. The upside to using your dick to raise money for the surgery is you won’t need it afterward. You can do anything you want then say goodbye to that ravaged piece of ground beef and hello to perfect pink vagina with that new genital smell. And, you’re welcome. I got this LGBT Spirit Award pretty much locked down this year.

By the way, yeah, that is Rodrigo in the picture above. If you got an erection, you’re probably gay and you should tell your spouse immediately. Hold her while she cries, although she probably always knew.

Photo credit: Twitter