Dina Lohan’s Guilty Plea is a Passover Miracle

By Lex April 16, 2014 @ 1:46 PM

Dina Lohan Goes To Court For Her DUI In Long Island

Considering Dina Lohan is what God had lined up next for the Egyptians if slaying the first born sons didn’t pan out, it seems blasphemous she and her attorney were invoking Passover to explain her miracle of no jail time in her guilty plea to driving super fucking drunk. She also was belligerent to the cops and made up fake charges about being assaulted, but that shit goes away when you have a well paid attorney:

Considering this is the first day of Passover, we were very pleased to receive an offer which would resolve her criminal case in Nassau County with a commitment of no jail, no probation, and that afforded her the opportunity to resume her driving privileges shortly. She felt this was a great beginning for the Holy week and she was happy with that result.

I guess this kind of religious pandering would be pretty pro forma, if you’re client was, oh, I don’t know, Jewish. I understand Dina’s Irish Catholic association with the rituals of the seder, most notably the drinking of four glasses of wine before wrapping her shaky fingers around her steering wheel and driving to her daughter’s place to find her stash. Still, this seems a bit profane. Under the precepts of celebrity justice, Dina’s license is being revoked but she’s still going to be allowed to drive. Which makes about as much sense as punishing Dina by making her blow on a device before miraculously having a working car. She’s been doing that since she was a teen.

(4) Comments

  1. avatar
    Hugh G. Rection 04/16/2014 17:56

    Look at the hatchet face on her lawyer. Dina might be Irish Catholic, but he looks so jewish his name might as well be Jewy J. Jewenstein, Esq.

  2. avatar
    Beylerbey 04/16/2014 18:32

    Methinks Mr. Jewenstein has a large investment in Hair Club For Men.

  3. avatar
    bujawevu 04/16/2014 22:12

    I buy almost everything except food and clothing from online auctions most people aren’t aware of the almost unbelievable deals that they can get from online auction sites the site that has the best deals is http://ow.ly/vDosm

    I checked with the BBB and was told that it is all legit. How they can sell gift cards, laptops, cameras, and all kinds of goodies that we all want for 50-90% off, I don’t know I do know that I bought my son an ipad there for less than $100 and my husband a $250 Low gift

    cards for $48Why would I even think about shopping anyþlace else?

  4. avatar
    DrainBammage 04/19/2014 23:55

    Most lawyers are slimy, sleazy reptilians but who the hell is that greasy primate she’s with?
    How many generations of brother and sisters have married in that gene pool that looks like its only 3 generations removed from walking on 4 feet?

    If youve ever wondered what Satan’s hemorroid looks like, just take a look at that dick in a suit.

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