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April 29, 2014 | WTF | Lex Jurgen | 0 Comments
Some people have graciously taken time out from denouncing Donald Sterling this week to call the dad who pushed his son off the skateboard ramp a monster. Yeah, a monster, or a throwback dad to the time when dads didn’t neuter their own boys. You think the parents of the Greatest Generation kneeled down with their hesitant kids atop the skateboard ramp and conversed with them endlessly about their concerns, playing into their anxiety and hysteria before giving them a little pill and a juice box to make it all better. Nay. They shoved their asses off the ramps to teach them how to fly. And they didn’t have pads or helmets back then. Or skate ramps for that matter. It was mountains, without safety equipment. Flap your wings, you little shit, because life doesn’t get any easier after your first broken arm. When I was a teen I had a job teaching tiny little kids how to swim. I mean, three year olds. They all freaked out about going under the water. Humans can’t breathe underwater. It’s a natural fear. They all cried when you told them you were going to dunk them. Many screamed, some spewed. What you did not do was stop. You dunked them anyhow. Then again, and maybe again, until they stopped crying and they started giggling and then sometimes those little bastards took happy dumps in their swimsuits. Eventually, they all went on to be successful and bang hot chicks like Michael Phelps. The kids whose parents thought they should let their little kids fears dictate their behavior all went on to be miserable crack addicts and short Hollywood agents. Sometimes, you need to push the kid down the fucking ramp and sometimes he’s going to cry. But China isn’t getting any weaker, we don’t have much time.